Annapolis

You'd think that a movie centered on the Naval Academy, with the tagline "50,000 Apply, 1,200 Are Accepted, Only the Best Survive," along with, say, previews that suggest a young cadet's struggle to become a leader under the grueling training of his Lieutenant, would therefore actually be about the difficulties in becoming a Naval Officer. But no, you would be wrong. This movie is about boxing. Haha, suckers!

No seriously, this movie really is about boxing. Yes, I was pretty confused as well, but nevertheless, that's the plot. Jake Huard (James Franco) works in battleship construction across the lake from the U.S. Naval Academy, and dreams of one day becoming a Naval Officer by attending the prestigious and selective school. He bides his time on the waitlist, however, and keeps in excellent physical condition by competing in the boxing ring. Cleverly, the filmmakers demonstrate Huard's toughness in the opening scene, when he is nearly knocked out and defeated at the hands of a superior fighter, only to get back up again and keep fighting, winning the round through sheer determination of will. He gets accepted into the academy the following day, ostensibly because one of the officers at the academy spends all his spare time in local boxing rings scouting for undiscovered talent. Again, I'm not making this up--one of the officers really was present at the local match, just hangin' out. So, despite Huard's mediocre grades and test scores, the Naval Academy makes an exception to their "best of the best" rule, which must be more of a guideline really. It's important to note that his father does not support this decision, and feels that Huard would best be served to join the workers union and never pursue any of his goals or dreams. I'm sure his father will not later realize that he was wrong and subsequently tell Huard that he is in fact proud. Surely.

For their first year of training, the cadets are introduced to Lt. Cole (Tyrese Gibson), who has served an astonishing three whole years in the Marines already, and is therefore the meanest motherfucker you have ever met! Huard's other superior officers include the sexy Lt. Ali (Jordana Brewster), and none other than Donnie Wahlberg himself, who has apparently left his New Kids on the Block days firmly behind him, and now just wants to kick cadet ass..."step by step." I'm sorry-I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Huard has little difficulty with the physical training, but he struggles with his academics and is routinely humiliated in front of his class for not being able to remember the latitude/longitude of Annapolis! What a doof! It is at this point in the movie when what appears to be a boxing "subplot" actually becomes the main one, and Huard decides he's going to devote every second of his free time to practicing for "Brigades"--the school-wide boxing tournament held at the end of every year. One would think that as he is on the brink of flunking out, that he would instead consider studying, but well, we've already established that he's an idiot. He enlists the help of Lt. Ali to help him train, and the rest of the movie is essentially a musical montage of his boxing practices. Furthermore, despite the fact that Huard makes a point to tell his buddies about the cadets who get expelled for dating each other, and Lt. Ali's re-emphasizing the "no fraternization" rule, she is helpless to resist his charms and the ridiculous "oops I fell over scene" actually takes place.

In the span of 3 minutes, every line from the "How to Make a Movie for Dummies" book was hurled at the audience in full force. I mean we're talking some serious boxing/climactic sports moment clichés here:
-"That's my boy right there, that's my boy!" (x1)
-"He's gotta pace himself" (x2)
-"He's gotta slow it down" (x2)
-"Stay off the ropes" (x3)
-"Yeah, that Huard's a tough kid"/"he's a tough kid" (x2)
-"Yeah, stay down!" (x1)

I even heard someone yell "Defense!" a couple of times, apparently delirious and under the impression he was an extra in Glory Road rather than Annapolis.

It wasn't just the absurd overuse of clichés that irritated me about this movie--it was also extremely boring, with some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard in my life. It was like watching the convergence of all the worst elements of film in a cinematic particle accelerator--it actually would have been funny if the filmmakers weren't taking this movie so seriously. Don't spend $10 to see this movie in the theater, don't rent it, don't buy it, don't even look at it. You'll only encourage the filmmakers by reacting to it. Just walk away.