House of Wax

I definitely wasn't disappointed. This movie turned out to be precisely what I expected, so the $20 was well worth it (I had to bribe my date to come by offering to pay for his ticket). Such is my punishment for dragging him to Hitchhiker's Guide--don't let that be your fate as well!

So as I said, this movie is exactly what one would expect it to be. Several attractive college students from a random Florida university take a shortcut through the backcountry roads instead of safely traversing the interstate system on their way to a football game; therefore, they inevitably fall victim to crazed hilljacks. Having been raised in small-town Indiana myself, I can't say I'm surprised, we see this sort of thing on a regular basis, yet have the good sense to steer clear of toothless, rusted truck-driving maniacs. Yes, all of the characters are devoid of common sense: they camp out in the middle of nowhere; they ignore the fact that a truck-driving maniac drives up and wordlessly watches them for several minutes for no clear reason; they accept that a brand-new fan belt can spontaneously snap in a parked car overnight; they hitch a ride from a dirt-covered country bumpkin who dumps roadkill into a festering pit of rotting carcasses--need I go on?

This is of course, hardly surprising. The only difference between this horror movie and others of its ilk, is that the deranged back-country killers turn their victims into wax figures. Well, at least these particular maniacs have found a creative outlet for their murderous tendencies. Speaking of which, here's a quick parenting tip: if you have identical twins, and one of them is evil, then don't strap him down in a chair and abuse him--you're only exacerbating the problem. Evil twin will then surely resort to killing hapless college students when he grows up.

It also goes without saying that there are several blatant references to the infamous sex video featuring Paris Hilton, who plays the role of the blond airhead who meets a grisly demise. She frantically dashes away in the requisite red lingerie, yet tragically does not survive the ordeal. Basically, she does exactly what the filmmakers (and audience) expect her to do.

This film is what it is, and I enjoyed it as such--your standard horror flick of today. I can't in good conscience give it more than two stars, but I do recommend it as long as you understand the concept of horror movies. Characters in these movies are always completely idiotic, as they wander helplessly through the movie, setting themselves up for the slaughter. Entertaining in their stupidity, yes. But surprising, no.