xXx: State of the Union

I love Hollywood.

I'm pretty sure I lost about two years of my childhood memories while my brain cells were liquified, but what's more important is that I learned how to drive my car onto railroad tracks at 220 mph thereby melting (?) my tires off, so that I may comfortably catch a speeding bullet train. If, you know, I ever have the need.

Our new Triple X agent for the sequel is Darius Stone (Ice Cube), with Samuel L. Jackson reprising his role as Agent Gibbons, the leader of this ultra secret inter-government protection agency. We begin our story with some random commando guys storming the ultra super-duper top secret XXX headquarters, killing everyone inside with the exception of Agent Gibbons and Nerdy White Guy Sidekick (Michael Roof). Now, with Vin Diesel dead (i.e. wanted too much money for the sequel), Gibbons recruits a convicted felon to protect our nation. Why our nation's military forces have not adopted this recruiting technique, given it's apparent success, is beyond me.

So, Ice Cube tries to act very menacing, he scowls and throws disdainful glares at Agent Gibbons and Nerdy White Guy Sidekick, and he refuses to play by the rules! Including the rules of physics, logic, gravity, common sense, hell, even common courtesy--all in an effort to stop a conspiracy by General Deckert (William Dafoe) to seize military control of the U.S. government. He enlists the help of his hoodlum car jacker friends and his she-man ex girlfriend in order to do this. Again, I think our military recruiters are obviously looking in the wrong places to swell the ranks of our armed forces. Need help hijacking that tank? Send in our hoodlum car jackers to do it! For a while I was certain we were watching Grand Theft Auto: Iraq.

This movie isn't that bad, I found it to be pretty entertaining in fact. My favorite part is when a veritable war is taking place on the streets of Washington D.C. during the President's State of the Union address, and yet, our vigilant press can't be bothered to report it. After all, the President's speech is far more likely to boost ratings.

If you don't mind complete absurdity and questionable dialogue, then this movie is for you. Perhaps I am just easily entertained, but I found it to be worthwhile as far as amusement goes. It's not a bad way to spend one's afternoon, although I do wish hadn't lost some of those memory cells--I bet I had a pretty good childhood. Oh well.