The Legend of Zorro

Well, I will say one thing for the filmmakers of The Legend of Zorro--they managed to incorporate ridiculous explosions and physics-defying stunts using various modes of transportation, all in a pre-Civil War time period!

After the opening credits, which feature lots of flames so that the audience will know they're about to see a kick-ass movie, the story begins with the people of the California territory about to make history by voting in favor of joining the Union as the 30th state. Unfortunately, villains want to stir up trouble for no good reason, and decide to steal the completed ballots from one tiny province in order to minimally affect the general outcome. Regrettably for the bad guys, they picked the one province in which Zorro/Don Alejandro (Antonio Banderas) resides, so he flips around on the rooftops and then flamboyantly dispatches with the villains. However, given that the bad guys had inexplicably abandoned their guns in favor of the more effective and precise hand-to-hand method of combat, Zorro kind of got off lucky.

With the opening fight sequence complete, Zorro/Alejandro goes home to his wife, Elena (Catherine Zeta-Jones), who insists that he now give up his superhero life in order to spend time with their son. Or something like that, she was nagging him for a while, and my attention started wandering. Anyway, being an incurable goody-two-shoes, Alejandro refuses, so Elena files for divorce and starts dating a snobby rich guy, Count Armand (Rufus Sewell). Alejandro is instantly jealous and upset, and immediately begins to suspect that Count Armand is up to no good, which becomes apparent when he sets off a random bomb and then has his evil henchmen steal land from a poor man and his wife. Zorro/Alejandro attempts to prevent this from happening, and it was at this point in the movie when he had the good sense to engage in a swordfight in a burning barn with an infant in his arms. Somehow, Count Armand's plans to arm the Confederate Army with nitroglycerin hinged upon attaining the deed to this guy's land, but for the life of me, I just can't see why.

Eventually, Alejandro's son, Joaquin (Adrian Alonso), takes matters into his own hands during a ridiculous wooden sword fight scene, in which he does several backflips and steals some evidence of Armand's plan before being rescued by Zorro/Alejandro. He doesn't recognize that Zorro is his father, which is understandable, since it's not like huge parts of Alejandro's face are showing or anything. The plot gradually leads to a big fight on a train where Zorro's horse leaps off a cliff onto the speeding carriage, which didn't surprise me all that much, considering that the horse had previously crashed through the side of a burning barn. . .which also didn't phase me, come to think of it, because I had already seen horses smash through solid brick walls within the first five minutes of the movie. Anyway, once Armand can get the train up to 88 miles per hour, they can travel back to the future and destroy this infernal script.

I'm being harsh on The Legend of Zorro, but I actually liked this movie a great deal. It was, as one might expect, completely absurd, and it was much longer than it really needed to be, but there were many redeeming qualities nonetheless. There were several hilarious lines, wonderful choreography for the outrageous fight sequences, and a very thrilling ending. Don't go into the film expecting a strong dose of reality, and you'll have a great time watching Zorro.