Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun in the Hood

You just know the movie is going to be bad when the Leprechaun kills someone in the opening scene by stabbing him in the throat with a pick. Yes, that's right.

A pick.

In the throat.

So this little gem of a movie features our friend Warwick Davis (you might remember him from such films as Willow) as the evil Leprechaun, who cuts a swath of death and idiotic ryhmes through "the hood" in order to retrieve his stolen gold. Apparently the Leprechaun (Willochaun?) can only be defeated by throwing this gold necklace thing over his head, which will then turn him to stone, precisely as the laws of nature dictate. So Ice-T's character, appropriately named Mack Daddy, and his hoodlum friend find Willochaun in his stone statue form, and proceed to pilfer his stash of gold. As you'd expect, they awaken Willochaun by stealing the necklace off the statue. Hoodlum Friend meets his end by means of aforementioned pick in the throat, but Ice-T randomly flings the necklace through the air, back onto Willochaun's neck, and manages to escape with all the loot. We're supposed to make note of the fact that, among other items, Ice-T takes a gold flute. Alrighty then.

Thirty years later, we are following our three main characters, Postmaster P, Stray Bullet and Butch, in their quest for fame and fortune as rappers. They decide that the best way to achieve their goal is to rob Ice-T. While they're looting his house they come across the encased statue of Willochaun. Naturally, Butch (who is ostensibly the doofus of the group), pulls out his handy bomb-o-matic and blows up the glass so they can get the gold necklace around Willochaun's neck. Oh no! The Leprechaun wakes up! And even worse, he can only speak in rhymes!

So all kinds of people start dying at the hands of Willochaun, who is chasing our three aspiring rappers through the hood so he can get back the golden flute thing. I can't quite express how horrifying this movie is, and it's not the death scenes or the "suspense," oh no. For me, it really took a turn for the worse when Willochaun--how can I put this gracefully--um, does it with a transvestite while simultaneously killing him. The film rapidly disintegrates from there: Willochaun tokes up with Ice-T and then solicits a gang of prostitutes. Willochaun shows up at Postmaster P's house where Post's blind mother trys to feed him on account of his hands being "rough" (?) and inadvertently stabs a fork through his eyeball. Willochaun rips Ice-T's finger off, which I thought was actually pretty rude, considering that Ice-T had just shared a joint with the guy.

As you get further and further into the film, you'll start to feel an unpleasant sensation in your head, which will be all your brain cells exploding. But mercifully, the final showdown occurs, Willochaun demands the return of his golden flute (remember the flute? I told you to make note of it!!), more people die, and obviously enough Willochaun is defeated and turned to stone with a random fling of the necklace through the air. Mercifully, the movie is over at this point, so you can--

Oops! Not quite! The director includes a final rap sequence featuring Willochaun to ensure that those precious few brain cells the viewer might have had left would be eradicated.

Seriously, unless you are highly intoxicated (thereby getting a head start on brain cell reduction) don't see this movie.